1) skipped monday again; t’was a bad decision
2) I feel rly bad knowing my maths results and I don’t want to go back to school for possibly like ever
So this week had been quite adventurous, if anything.
And by adventurous I mean my week was full—like all the other weeks had been since school started, anyway, but I had exams, and that’s what makes it different.
But, man, my teachers are ruthless (not really) because I still had schoolwork assigned right before and right after exams. I’m so goddamn tired and over this whole school thing now, I swear to god. I feel like I need a whole month of just laying on the floor so I could feel energized and I dunno, motivated again.
(Ironic to be saying this seeing as I should be asleep.)
I actually just wanted to be quick and say these things, though:
- I’m officially fifteen, yay!
- I think I might have friends, yay! (Daci organized this 2 Dinamik class reunion thing, and I honestly don’t think I would go if it weren’t for the fact that he invited me face to face - I would feel less bad if it was like, a second hand news, y’know? - so I went. And it was a good decision. I invited River Song along, because why the hell not, and not a lot of people ended up going anyway. There were about, um, eleven of us today? Maybe? But we had lunch at McDonald, when we were supposed to have it at Pizza Hut but it was changed last minute (at least Daci had the decency to call me even if it was so fucking late oh my god.) I don’t wear my tudung outside of school, and pretty much everyone knew already, but Daci didn’t, so he went, “Ada sorang tu kan… kat sekolah alim.” Meh. Afreena called me hot. And pretty. Ahahaha. It was actually a whole lot of fun, they talked a lot and took selfies a lot. Then we went to Tesco, played at the arcade, and I was with River Song playing around - when we turned our backs, and oop. They left us. So we finished up all our arcade credits, then we went to the video store and marvelled at the gorgeous album arts displayed there. Then bought some donuts, and then we went home.) And I’m having fun with them, yay!
- (Daci taught me Science before our exams, because I didn’t study anything, and he told me not to fail Maths any more. He mentioned it a lot on that day - so. Yeah. He told me that he could really see me being in Bestari, if it weren’t for the fact that I failed Maths.)
- (It actually meant a lot. Still… sorta weird?)
- I’m joining Mighty Minds! Well. There’s an audition for it first, but. Yeah. Considering it.
- I cannot wait for March holidays, god. I have so much to catch up on. Mainly sleep. Also I miss Terengganu a lot.
- I miss writing. This is the 1,001th post. Here’s to a thousand more, probably? Hahaha. Who knows. This blog is three years old, man. Crazy.
- See you when I see you.
Here is what I know by 12:06am, no longer Monday I skipped school
1. You’re giving me a fucking headache.
2. I’m giving myself a headache.
mum told a cute story about my dad earlier today and i am still sitting here laughing quietly about it
basically - i got my first glasses when i was 10, and honestly it was part because i did notice that my vision can get pretty blurry but i was also not very sure because i was 10 (????) and part because i thought man, people who wear glasses look so pretty and smart and professional AND I WANT TO BE THAT KIND OF PERSON.
so i got it checked, and it turned out my vision was… pretty bad. ahahaha.
when my mum told my dad that i wanted to get my eyes checked, he thought it was because i just wanted it for the looks, which was part true. and when he found out about my vision results, he went and exclaimed “Lailahailallah!”
the best part of the story is that i could hear his voice saying that.
wonder what he’d think of now; my vision got a lot worse. ahahaha. i’m wearing my current glasses - the one since last year - and i still can’t see all that much.
The middle of this week, while I was doing my own stuff - literally, I was just standing behind my desk in class and was adjusting my bag when - tetiba je aku rasa rindu.
So I walked outside of class. And I was on my way to go to my old classroom - which, really, is just my current classroom’s neighbour to idk, maybe see a couple of my old classmates and be with them or something? Then I saw Izzah. Then we walked together.
And we talked, a bit. It was surprisingly not awkward.
(At least not to me.)
I joined Izzati and Syarlina in front of Anjung Budi for a bit while we were all waiting for our teacher, and they all tegur-ed me sebab aku pakai tudung terbalik. Tudung hitam, mana lah nak perasan sangat.
Then we goofed off, a bit.
Masuk toilet, adjust tudung. Terserempak dengan Syamira and Afiqah Annur. Aku sebenarnya ingat Syamira tak ingat aku, sebab masa Form 2 memang jarang nak jumpa (dan secara tidak langsung, memanglah tak tegur).
(Izzah kata aku comel pakai tudung hitam. Hehe. Beli macaroni kat PPKI (diorang selalu ada jual-jual hari Rabu, really delicious too) cikgu yang jaga masa tu pun panggil aku comel. “Makanlah macaroni, tambah comel!)
Afiqah Annur pun aku jarang tegur gak, sekarang. Al-maklumlah, kitorang beza dua kelas. Dia pun pengawas SPBT sekarang, (ingat lagi dia gi ke hulur ke hilir satu sekolah cari cikgu supaya dia dapat. Ahaha. Comel.) sama cam Fyfy. Dia pun bukan Puteri Islam lagi dah, tah sebab apa dan tah macam mana dia gi tukar jadi Pengakap.
First time aku nampak dia pakai tudung kelabu tahun ni made me do a double take. Made me realize yang other people pun go through important changes. Diorang pun nak apa yang aku nak (well, the general gist of it, I guess?).
Mungkin dia nak break out daripada Form 1 and Form 2. Pretty sure that’s what all Form 3s do.
Back to what I was saying, though: Syamira and Afiqah Annur kelas 3 Efektif, macam 1 Efektif. Two years ago. Puan Au jugak yang jadi guru kelas. Rasanya Amanina pun sekelas gak dengan diorang. Maybe Puteri. Maybe Salmi. Aku tak tau sebenarnya, but point is, diorang ada.
Rindu betul. Aku tukar kelas setiap tahun, mana tak rindu. Earlier this week I was pondering about the last three years - and man, some of the changes I had to go through.
Think I’m still adjusting to 3 Cemerlang. Think I’m a bit tired of all the changing and adapting, but I’m managing. Tahun depan guarantee tukar lagi. Tah tah tukar sekolah. So takde guna aku nak fikir pepanjang pasal semua ni. No use.
(Tulis dalam BM tak sengaja. Go with the flow orang katakan.)
i guess this is page one
(addendum: would another colon be too tacky?)
over the weekend i thought of setting up a wordpress, just to publish all of the more ~serious things i have written (which is to say not by much, actually, but i hope to whip out more material, i guess?) because it’s good to have that platform, y’know?
might not be the best idea, because like i said - i don’t really have a lot of more serious, formatted, clean things that can be put out there to a somewhat general audience.
but it seems kind of fun. and i do miss writing. i just never know where to start.
(maybe not any more, i guess.)
before CNY holidays ended i was finishing up this essay that my English teacher had assigned us to write - a cool English teacher that is not Ms. Atiqah, can you believe - but she also has this knack of giving us essays to write and not actually, i dunno, grade them yet so yeah, y’know, whatever. i wrote it anyway, because it was an essay about ‘My Holiday Destination’ and i did go somewhere a couple months ago.
i finished it all up at three in the morning kept energetic by caffeine, and i love what i wrote. i was - still am - proud of what i wrote. my little brother, who was accompanying me by shouting over his laptop because of DotA was impressed; River Song said the words that i used were ‘genius level’.
that made me happy. but i don’t even know what to write about these days. i still feel like i have nothing to say.
no matter how many times i hear people go on about how everyone has something important to say, a back story or whatever - i’m lost.
i’m at a loss of words and i don’t like it one bit.
it’s funny how a year ago i was so caught up in my fear of losing you
and now i don’t even think about you. not not at all, but just. not at all much.
maybe it’s because a year ago i didn’t have your postcard. the me a year ago had no idea what was coming.
but you hadn’t, either.
i think i just miss you saying you miss me, that’s all.
―Cleopatra, Anthony and Cleopatra - William Shakespeare.
You look healthy.
And by that I don’t mean you look fat.
I mean your face isn’t grey any more, the circles under your eyes aren’t so dark. Your lips aren’t cracked and dry and your hair isn’t thinning and brittle. I mean you seem more focused when I talk to you, You actually look at me and listen rather than being so unable to stay still or think about anything other than your illness that your eyes dart around the room and you nod manically the whole time I’m speaking. You seem calmer, stiller, quieter. You’re easier to have a joke with and you take things on board much more than you used to.
I mean you laugh now, you’re less serious. There’s life about you, it’s in your eyes and your smile, it’s in the way you speak and even in the way you go about your daily tasks.
You look healthy. You look happy. It really, really suits you."