a pseudo pryomaniac.

(still questioning why you are here)

being so fuckin annoyed at my mum won’t help my being sick and will probably only make my health worsen, but here i am.

also: my brother wants me to go to the hospital. my aunt thinks so, too. i think that’ll probably help me sleep.

but at the same time, god missing this many days of school in this class fucking sucks.

"To me you’re the sea
and I have fallen in love
with salt on my skin."

Tyler Knott Gregson (via colporteur)
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  1. You are stronger than you realise.
  2. You are crueller than you realise.
  3. The smallest words will break your heart.
  4. You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.
  5. People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.
  6. You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.
  7. You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.
  8. You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.
  9. Never stop yourself texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.
  10. Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.
  11. You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone, but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself.
  12. Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.
  13. You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners but still fill a bed.
  14. Always be friends with the broken people. They know how to survive.
  15. You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore your phone when they call.
  16. You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter.
  17. You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin.
  18. Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you.
  19. People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening.
  20. You will be okay.
  21. You will be okay.

―21 things my father never told me (via 2977miles)
156558 Notes
Filed under: number 1 2 4 16 20 and 21


do you ever get so disgusted with yourself, like you can not believe how stupid and thoughtless you are and it’s so frustrating because you keep telling yourself that you’ll do better next time but then next time rolls around and the same thing keeps happening and you end up in this pattern of mediocrity.

127258 Notes
Filed under: me lately lmao

i feel so defeated lmaooooooo lmao

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"Angry, and half in love with you, and tremendously sorry, I turned away."
F. Scott Fitzgerald (via sleepychick)
98288 Notes

'I don't know how long I sat in silence for but I felt my heart beat in my ears'
Automatic writings part of a study into the stream of consciousness. I have no memory of writing this and my hand writing is hardly recognisable.


'I don't know how long I sat in silence for but I felt my heart beat in my ears'

Automatic writings part of a study into the stream of consciousness. I have no memory of writing this and my hand writing is hardly recognisable.


Oh man, I keep thinking that I’m going to write and write but I always end up not actually writing, especially as of now when I have fifteen minutes until I’m supposed to be getting for bed.

But. March has been the longest month, for a multitude of reasons - I just realised this today.

I actually saw Aida twice within this month (yeah, I didn’t write about that - my bad) and the second time she actually slept over.

And by the second time I actually mean yesterday. She left this noon. God. What a fucking mess. I love her a lot, but - I worry, too. I worry a lot. I’m the worrier, we all know this.

Then I actually went out with my classmates and I actually enjoyed my time. Before that, I had my exams. After that, I just sat in some kind of slump because of my disappointment over my exams results.

That’s another mess, too.

Then there’s March holidays - which just ended. Went back to Terengganu for a weekend because of a wedding, and I spent my Sunday night crying in a darkened room while listening to Brand New. If that doesn’t describe a stereotypical angsty teenager, I don’t know what does.

I also read Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell, read How To Be Interesting by Jessica Hagy, and Hate That Cat by Sharon Creech. Went to a book fair, too, and bought 30 books for 100 ringgit. Not at all bad, let me tell you.

I’m not ready for school at all.

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what is /wrong/ with me

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